Category Archives: Information on Narcissism

Articles on co-parenting with the narcissist, court and custody battles, etc. Helpful information for those going through a relationship or past relationship with a narcissist to empower you to fight your battle.

50 Shades of Crazy!

50 Shades of Crazy!

50 Shades of Crazy
50 Shades of Crazy

It’s 7 minutes to pickup time. I’m not sending her. When you read the following, I’m betting you’d make the same decision. Since last posting, a lot has happened. First of all, I got a new lawyer, which I believe was the right move. The last call to my previous lawyer, telling him my concerns about homeschooling with this person, and how my N-ex wouldn’t allow our daughter to participate in pre-school, ball, gymnastics, etc. on “his” time, and before I could even get out anything after “pre-school” he cut me off, saying “Well, preschool is different than school!” He was defending my ex! Well, that was the final straw! I”m not going to pay someone big bucks that is such a narcissist himself, he can’t see how raising a child with someone like this, nonetheless homeschooling with them, may be detrimental to a child!

So, after much searching, and calling, I finally found a new lawyer. I was immediately impressed that he actually seemed to listen to me and didn’t put me down. Sad that this seems to be the norm in law! My new lawyer listed some of my concerns in our modification for custody for school. I’m already impressed. He actually agrees that behavior like my ex’s isn’t normal.

We hadn’t even gotten a chance to serve the papers to my ex yet when our daughter said that Daddy touches her private area with his hand. It sounded like it was just for wiping and cleaning but she’s 5. I think it’s inappropriate. He still showers with her. He does cover up with a washcloth, but I don’t know how well that works! Our daughter says she’s seen under the washcloth before. I don’t THINK he’s doing anything with sexual intentions, but I called a therapist to talk to her, just to be sure.

Her regular therapist has mentioned recently that she can’t get anything out of our daughter, that she won’t say anything negative about her dad, even the usual stuff kids say. I figure, why not try someone new who may be able to get a little more out of her as to what’s bothering her, etc. and who may be able to help her a little more. So, I called my family therapist who recommended a few people to me. I called a few. Some were either not taking new clients or couldn’t see her without his permission. I asked him to call one, but he never did (as I figured). While I was talking to one of them who couldn’t see her, she was very concerned with the things our daughter was saying. She said she’d have to report it, unless I got right on it. I DID. But he didn’t call in to approve it. I’m assuming she’s the one who called it in to child protective services (CPS).

A few days later, I got a call from CPS in the county that I had sought out therapy for her. She asked me where I lived. She said a CPS worker from my county would be calling me. Sure enough, an hour or two later, the other CPS worker called. She asked if I had our daughter. I said, yes, until tomorrow, when she goes back. She asked if I could bring her in. I took her over right away as it was almost closing time.

She spilled her guts to that CPS worker. I was outside the door but could hear a lot of what she said. She told her all her grievances to that lady. She finally opened up! She told how he threatened her on Thanksgiving for saying that she wanted to be with me. He’d threatened to get rid of her kitten, fish and stuffed animals and toys and to tell them that she didn’t love them because I’d sent a text saying that she was excited to see her cousins on Thanksgiving.

The CPS worker was also concerned. Probably more-so than I was. As pickup was the next day, I debated over what to do. She told me the usual story: that if I sent her and something happened, I could be held accountable too. So, I debated, and debated. Finally, the next day, I decided to file the emergency protective order. I felt horrible, but what else could I do? This is my 50 shades of crazy-life.

See the next post http://torn-whybatteredwomenstay.com/?p=458

The Restraining Order

NarcissistA few weeks ago, my fiance went with me to pick up my daughter, as he has for the past several months. He usually sits in the car and checks email on his phone. This day, however, he looked out the window at my daughter who was getting ready to get out of the car. As I walked over to get my daughter from her Dad’s car, I saw my ex staring at me in my peripheral vision. As I got closer, I finally looked. He wasn’t staring at me. He was staring past my at my fiance. He yelled loudly, “You got a problem?!” My fiance got out of the car and said “Yeah, I do, but I’m not going to do anything about it in front of

your daughter” He stayed by his car the whole time. Meanwhile, I was signaling to my ex that our daughter was sitting right there. (She shouldn’t see this.) He stopped. He got her out and said goodbye. As I was walking over to our car, my ex yelled, “I’m calling 911!” My fiance said, “Okay” and got back in the car. My ex was sitting there on the phone when we left. I figured he was trying to start something for some particular reason, as is his way. A few weeks later, my fiance got a call from a cop friend from where he used to live that my ex was trying to have him served with a restraining order. We still haven’t received it. My ex probably can’t find out my fiance’s address. I’m really curious to see what he’s claiming. He told our daughter in the last few weeks that someone tried to kill him. I don’t know if that is a recent attempt or in the past, but WHY would you tell your 5-year-old daughter that!? I’m thinking he’s trying to say that his life was threatened on the day that he called 911 (supposedly). This is just an example of the kinds of things that malignant narcissists will try to get a rise out of you (or for whatever reason).

Red Flags in my Marriage

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, http://www.thehotline.org/2012/09/red-flags-of-abuse/, abuse can take many forms, many of which are listed below:

  • Embarrassing or putting you down
  • Looking at you or acting in ways that scare you
  • Controlling who you see, where you go, or what you do
  • Keeping you or discouraging you from seeing your friends or families
  • Taking your money or refusing to give you money for expenses
  • Preventing you from making your own decisions
  • Telling you that you are a bad parent or threatening to harm or take away your children
  • Preventing you from working or attending school
  • Blaming you for the abuse, or acting like it’s not really happening
  • Destroying your property or threatening to hurt or kill your pets
  • Intimidating you  with guns, knives or other weapons
  • Shoving, slapping, choking or hitting you
  • Attempting to stop you from pressing charges
  • Threatening to commit suicide because of something you’ve done
  • Threatening to hurt or kill you
  • Pressuring you to have sex when you don’t want to or do things sexually you’re not comfortable with
  • Pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol
  • Preventing you from using birth control or pressuring you to become pregnant when you’re not ready

 

He would embarrass me in front of others: He did this early on and covered it well. So much so


that it didn’t really set off any red flags for me. I didn’t like it but he pulled it off. “She’s going to be mad at me for saying this but…” then he’d say whatever it was that I didn’t want him to tell others.

He wouldn’t let me leave:  There was a tornado warning for our area. We lived in a trailer on top of a big open hill. We had no shelter. I wanted to go to my parents’ house 15 minutes away. They have a basement. I told him our daughter and I were seeking shelter there. He came home just as I was walking out the door to leave. He insisted that I stay and wait for him because he didn’t want to take two cars over there. The tornado warning was in effect for the time that we should have been leaving. I wanted to be to a safe place BEFORE the tornado hit and not in a car. Call me crazy (which he did). He intentionally took his time packing, all the while ranting about how stupid it would be to take two cars over there. Why did he need to pack? We were only staying overnight at the most. He didn’t need to pack much. It was very deliberate. It probably took him twenty minutes to pack and several times I said, if you’re not ready in 2 minutes I’m just going to go ahead. He kept finding ways to stall. “I’m almost ready!” then he’d intentionally pack more, walking very slowly. So slowly it was very obvious what he was doing. I felt so trapped and angry but I was afraid to go. He seemed very unstable. I was afraid of what he would do to me. He was putting our daughter’s life in jeopardy because he wanted to control the situation. Yes, chances are, the tornado wouldn’t have hit us, but who wants to take that chance? I’m so angry at him for things like that that prove that he never did love me. No wonder I felt so sick all the time. I felt so torn, and so sad over this loser that didn’t give a shit about me or his own daughter. I found out later that he had specifically told the secretary to NOT tell me that there was a tornado warning for our area because I would “over-react”.

Looking at you in ways that scare you: There were several times that he scared me by the way he looked at me. The above story about the tornado, for instance. I remember having a conversation with him once where I told him that I don’t know how he can love me and look at me like I’m a complete and utter moron. What I didn’t tell him was that I was terrified of him. I’m not sure why I never told him. I think I was scared to. I didn’t want him to know I was scared of him. I was scared for him to know that, as any who have been in abusive situations know.

Controlling who you see, where you go, or what you do: I wasn’t allowed to get my hair cut at a friend’s hair studio because this person told him that he prefers that people make appointments. N-ex always wanted to just pop in and be given special treatment. He was offended by this, therefore he didn’t want me supporting this friend’s business anymore or associating with someone who didn’t like him. My mom got me a gift certificate for the friend’s business for Christmas. I wasn’t allowed to use it but had to go to a different salon instead.

Keeping you from seeing your friends/families: N-ex didn’t want me seeing my family, especially my mother, because he knew she didn’t like him and he thought she would try to turn me against him. She was supportive of me being strong and having a healthy relationship and when she saw that it wasn’t, she tried to help me see that and get out. He must’ve thought I wouldn’t see it on my own, or likely, he would downplay the abuse. Of course, in his eyes, he did no wrong, so my family was just “making up” these stories in his mind. He was angry at me because I had “made them not like him” by telling them arguments we’d had, etc. In reality, I told them very little, or else I’d be accused of “spreading negativity about the marriage (him)”. They weren’t stupid. They could see it. My brothers each walked in on a few arguments. His family could even see it. He tried to keep me from seeing them too, but he has lost his power to do so.

Preventing you from making your own decisions: I wanted to open a second business near home. It was my own business. He wouldn’t let me. He said that he didn’t think it would go well, me in an office with my family. He TOLD me when our daughter was 3 weeks old that I needed to go back to work. “This is when most moms go back to work.” Of course, he’s the expert. Never mind that I had our daughter at home, no rest in the hospital, and no stitches for my tears. Talk about excruciating! He decided we weren’t going to visit family on Christmas when our daughter had slight sniffles. He decided to turn the care around several times on the way out to my family’s house, ruining many Easters and family reunions.

He wouldn’t let me walk down the stairs by myself with the baby. They were narrow stairs. I did appreciate the “care”, but one day, we were arguing about something (which “caused him” to throw away my bottles of shampoo and conditioner that my mom had bought for me) and I just forgot and walked down the stairs with the baby without him walking in front of me. I’d done it hundreds of times before when he was at work and I was home with the baby. He then proceeded to say that I was “acting like a blooming idiot.” He was always so kind as to not CALL me a blooming idiot. See, I told you he could be nice at times. 😉

Threatening to take away your children: He threatened to take our daughter away when we had the big blowup argument that fateful day. He threatened to leave first. When he got no reaction, he said, “And I’m taking (our daughter) with me!” He didn’t get out of there with her that day because I caved and apologized, again. But there were scary looks that would make Hannibal Lecter cringe. After I had to make the call to my mom to “rectify the situation”, telling her that I would never speak to her again, he told me that if I left him that he would fight for and get full custody because I couldn’t support her because I had a failed ___ business. (I DID have a poorly paying business, but his was even worse than mine!) Also, as a side note: my business would have been a bit more successful if he would quit telling people that I was a bad _____ and that I sucked. (Of course, he was much better at it than I was, even though he didn’t finish school (or even come close to it) like I had.)


Blaming you for the abuse: He wouldn’t have had to shove me that day if I hadn’t called my mom. It was my fault that he had to do that. He wouldn’t be so mad if I hadn’t acted so insensitively. He wouldn’t be livid if I hadn’t worn headphones while cleaning the house. He wouldn’t be ridiculously losing his cool if I hadn’t stopped to pee before leaving the house, etc., etc., etc.

Shoving, choking: The day of the big blowup, he grabbed my neck like he was going to choke me. He

had those crazy eyes then. All I could see was rage. Instead he just shoved me down onto my knees. I think he would have done more if he wasn’t holding our two year old daughter who was flung in his arms. She then started crying and he finally gave her back to me. She was scared of him for a while. She cried, “Why’d Daddy try to take me?” for weeks after that. I prayed my mom would hear her on the other end of the line when I had to make my call. She didn’t. No one could help me. No one knew.

Stop you from pressing charges: After that day (Friday) he left for work Monday. I didn’t have to be in until 11:00am. I planned to stop by the police station to make a report. Little did I know I couldn’t. I didn’t have any bruises. He called me 6 times on the way to work. He seemed nervous. He said he had a feeling I was going to try to do something. He was right. I did try to do something. It wasn’t what I had planned. But I stopped by, made a report to someone else, and went to work.

During the day of the blowup, when I went for my phone to call for help when he was trying to run off with our daughter, he knocked the phone from my hand. He wouldn’t let me call anyone. He said he’d be long gone with her before anyone could get there.

Threatening to kill/hurt you:

After the day I talked to the lady that the policeman sent me to, apparently a child services report was made. A month later, I got the call that someone from child services wanted to speak to me. I was scared. Not of the child services, but of my husband. I dreaded telling him. He was ok at first, but the more he thought about it, the madder he got. He assumed that I told them but he didn’t really come right out and say it. Instead, he made threats that whoever told on him should be “made to never do it again.” I said, “like, what do you mean?” He just kept saying the same thing, “whoever did this should be punished and made to never do it again.” I didn’t realize at the time that he really thought it was my mom and me who had made the report. He DID say that the only person mad at him was my mom and maybe me, but I didn’t think he though she did it. Apparently he did, because he tried to sue us during the divorce for filing a “false” report with child services. When I realized that that threat to “make them never do it again” really was intended for me and my mom, I got chills down my spine. This man is even more evil then I knew. How could I live with someone like this for so long and what else could have happened? I feel very lucky to be out.

Changing faces: I added this one, just thought of it. When I left the first time, he was really angry, then he’d cry. I wouldn’t talk to him. He’d left messages. I didn’t answer them. My Dad called him and said I needed some time and space but he could come and see our daughter. After I’d been gone about a week, he came up to my room where I was staying. He had been playing with our daughter and she was crying for me. I came down to get her and he followed me upstairs. He stayed up there for a while. He was threatening and angry, then suddenly, he saw a glimmer of hope in my sad eyes. Suddenly he turned on the charm. Before you know it, he’s hugging me and crying, promising to change. He says we just need a vacation, time for ourselves to work this all out. He’ll change. Yea, he’ll change alright. He’ll change to manipulate you into doing what he wants. Similarly, on the day I left for good, the day of the meeting with child services, he vascillated from angry to hurt to “we can work this out”. Seemed he didn’t want to be too nice if he didn’t have to be but if I was leaving, then he was going to be angry! It was like, he had to have the upper hand but he’d be nice if he HAD to to manipulate me back in.

Add your own. There are more!

May 15, 2014

I read a post today from One Mom’s Battle that really reminded me of my relationship with my N-ex. All N’s must be the same. 😉 To read the article, see below:

(http://onemomsbattle.com/2014/04/25/project-managing-our-marriage-and-the-first-encounter-with-the-police/)

Like the author, after our hostage-situation squabble, (that’s a whole other blog post) I decided that I needed to see a counselor. I was majorly stressed out and exhausted from sleeping with one eye open. I was never sure he wasn’t going to try to run off with our daughter. I slept with one hand on her at all times. After I scheduled an appointment, the N-ex wanted to schedule one with the same counselor. Fortunately, she said she didn’t feel comfortable seeing both of us. He had no choice but to go elsewhere.

After that, he started carpooling to work with me and he was home much more. Usually, even though the drive was 50 minutes each way, he’d drive separately because my daughter and I would come along a little later and leave earlier than he would. He could waste time like no other and he’d be there hours longer than he worked, just chatting with people. His call frequency increased when we were not together. He always seemed suspicious. Of what, I don’t know. He threatened to take our daughter permanently two or three times and sternly mentioned that he would get full custody (and I would never see her again) because he was the one with a job and would get primary custody. He said I had a failed business and couldn’t support her. I DIDN’T have a failed business and I made just as much as he did. Both of us owned our own businesses and both of us made very little. Actually, I made more. And, like the author, I was more afraid of him after that day than I had ever been. He really started to watch what I did, where I went, etc. (Not that I ever went anywhere but work and home). Also, like the author, I went to the police and they couldn’t help. The courts couldn’t (wouldn’t) help.

I’ll post my hostage situation weekend soon.

Kitty-in-Waiting-Mental Abuse

Mental abuse starts early. Recently, our daughter conveyed to me something that was bothering her. It’s a long story. Let me start at the beginning.

Her Daddy told her that she could get a kitten at his house. She was excited. Weeks passed. No kitten. Kittens are easy to come by around here. He once sent her a picture of a kitten. She liked it but it was a boy and she wanted a girl. They decided to wait for a girl kitten. Still no kitten. I didn’t think anything of it. I figured he was using the excitement of getting a kitten to get her to want to come to his house and was dragging it out. That’s harmless, I guess, to a degree, if you do in fact keep your promise and follow through with a kitten in a reasonable amount of time. I’ll admit, I’ve used the kitten to get her excited about going to Daddy’s so it wasn’t so hard on her. However, the problem started a few days ago.

One day, during this kitten-in-waiting time period, while at my house on the phone with her Daddy, our daughter was saying, “I love YOU more than I love YOU” pointing first to me, then to him. She thought he wouldn’t know what she was saying since he couldn’t see her. I of course, tried to stop her. I knew he would be suspicious enough to ask her what she was saying when she got back to his house. Since his goal in life is to get our daughter to love him more than me and choose to be with him, I knew he would be all over her when she got back, but I never heard anything about it until a few nights ago.

Our daughter was upset. I asked why. When she finally calmed down enough to tell me, she said that she was crying because Daddy had erased her pictures of the boy kitten that she had enjoyed looking at on his phone. I asked her why he had done that. She said, “Because I lied.”

I asked her what she had lied about. She said, “Because I said I loved you more than I loved Daddy.” Now, I’m not in to making a child CHOOSE a parent to love. I could never pick one of my parents to love more. That’s ridiculous, so, I wouldn’t ask her to choose. Nevertheless, I asked her if this WAS a lie. “No.” was her reply. Turns out, what he was upset about was the fact that she was saying that she loved ME more, not HIM. She wasn’t lying. He had convinced her that she was lying and the she deserved to be punished. Her punishment was deleting the pictures of the kitten from him phone. She was so upset. I asked her if she cried when he did it. She said, “No, but my throat was hurting.” (She had a lump in her throat). I don’t know if he just deleted the pictures of the kitten on the phone or if the whole prospect of getting a kitten is gone now, but the fact that he had convinced her that she had lied when, (sounds to me like) she DIDN’T and that’s what he didn’t like. He didn’t want to hear the truth. He wanted to hear that she loved HIM more and he found a way to punish her for not loving him the most, as stupid as that is, and making it look like it was because of a VALID reason, like her lying.

She tells Grandma that she loves my boyfriend more than she loves Daddy because Daddy is mean to Mommy. I’m sure she loves her Daddy, but I found this to be an interesting observation on her part. I don’t tell her that he was mean to me. I told her that we didn’t get along when she asks about it. She has drawn her own conclusions. I’m proud of her for seeing through it. I hate that she HAS to.

Such is life with a narcissist!

Megalomania vs. Narcissism: Dating a Megalomaniac

According to Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Megalomania):
“Megalomania is a psychopathological condition characterized by delusional fantasies of power, relevance, omnipotence, and by inflated self-esteem.[1] Historically it was used as an old name for narcissistic personality disorder prior to the latter’s first use by Heinz Kohut in 1968, and is used today as a non-clinical equivalent.[2][3] It is not mentioned in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM)[4] or the International Statistical Classification of Diseases (ICD).”

Megalomania and narcissism are virtually interchangeable. However, they have slightly different connotations. Narcissism involves a preoccupation with–and some say excessive–love of one’s self. Megalomania implies a more successful, money-hungry definition of narcissism. While narcissists often have delusions of grandeur, megalomaniacs always do. It may seem like splitting hairs to make a distinction between the two, and since either of these often escape diagnosis, it probably really doesn’t matter which term we use. Suffice it to say: megalomania is another word for narcissism.
The definition of mental illness is an actual medical condition that negatively affects a person’s feelings, mood, ability to relate to others, and day-to-day functioning. Narcissism (or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)) or megalomania can both be described this way. Mental illness definition is not necessarily useful when dealing with NPD or megalomania, as 1.) Most narcissists do not go to a therapist so will therefore not be diagnosed. And, 2.) a person with NPD will most likely not seek help and will deny that they have a problem.

So, what do you do when you are dating or married to a megalomaniac? If you are dating a megalomaniac, my advice would be to seriously think about whether you want to try to fight a battle that you can’t win. Unless you have major ties, such as a child together, I’d seriously consider being tied to this person for life. Research the disorder as much as you can. Read the rest of my blog. While it is sad to see a loved one in pain, and they’ll likely experience pain when you leave them, ultimately, it is not fair to you or your future family to put them in a position of vulnerability with the megalomaniac. I’ve been in your shoes. There are many other men/women out there that also deserve love that will give you a healthy relationship. With the internet, it is easy to find others to date. I, myself, met my future husband on the internet quickly. I only looked for a few months. Invest your time in someone who is healthy. It sounds selfish, but you are choosing a father/mother for your future family. It IS a big deal! A divorce and custody battle is horrendous. It is the hardest, most gut-wrenching thing I’ve ever been through and it is SO hard on your children. Trust me! You DON’T want to do this! Read stories from women/men who have been involved for a while

Megalomania
Megalomania

and their outcomes. Research those who have made it work for any length of time with a narcissist or megalomaniac. These stories are few and far between. I’m not saying that it is impossible. Anyone CAN change. Few megalomaniacs, however, DO change.
My blog “Torn” is dedicated to helping women and men like you avoid starting down the nightmare of a road that is a relationship with a narcissist (megalomaniac). Please, please, please do your research!

What is Minor’s Counsel?

Minor's counsel
Minor’s counsel

Divorce is often a painful and daunting process, especially when children are involved. Parents often choose legal aid (divorce lawyers) to help then get what is fair in the realm of family law. Some choose to represent themselves for financial reasons or if they cannot find a family lawyer. A simple attorney search online can help one find divorce lawyers or legal advice for those who are representing themselves. There are sources on the internet and in communities that provide free legal advice. A child support calculator provides an easy way to determine a fair amount of child support to be paid.

Minors are rarely allowed to testify in court or to speak to a judge directly. Because of this, the court will appoint a minor’s counsel, who is a lawyer, to interview the child about their custodial preference and factors involved in child custody decisions. Minor’s counsel is appointed by a judge to represent a child, not the parent, who often has his/her own divorce attorney. Parents can’t choose the lawyer, but they can request a particular family lawyer be appointed by the judge.

Minor’s counsel lawyers are supposed to be a neutral voice for the child, without compromising the child’s rights, emotional well-being, or forcing the child to side with one parent or the other after legal separation. The goal is to do what is the best for the minor child. Minor’s counsel lawyers are not bound by the emotions that often accompany divorce, child abuse, neglect, and other difficult issues that children and parents face, issues that are often associated with contested child custody or divorce cases.

Minor’s counsel represents the child, solely. If more than one child is born of the marriage, separate counsel for each child may be appointed. Often both parents share the fees of legal counsel for the child/children. Once assigned, the attorney continues to represent the minor until the child reaches the age of 18. In some cases, the court may choose to end their appointment early, if they feel that it is no longer necessary.

Minor’s counsel acts as an investigator to seek the facts of the situation where the represented children are involved. They learn about the child’s best interests including the welfare of the child, including the child’s health and safety. Legal aid will gather information from interviews with the child, the parents, therapists, and doctors who have knowledge of the particular child’s situation. The lawyers/counsel will also evaluate school records, psychological evaluations, medical records, and any other record that provides relevant information pertaining to the child’s needs and any other such evidence that is relevant.

After interviewing the child, the lawyer’s office will investigate any relevant concerns before the hearing. At the hearing, the lawyer will discuss what they’ve found with the other divorce attorney (family law attorney/divorce lawyer), the parents, and the judge and will offer his/her legal advice.

Minor’s counsel, at the request of the court, will prepare a written statement of issues and contentions regarding the facts that pertain to the best interests of the child. The statement is a summary of the information received by counsel, a list of the sources of information, the results of minor counsel’s investigation, and other matters as directed by the court. The statement is then filed with the court and is submitted to the parties or their attorneys prior to the hearing, unless the court orders otherwise.
Minor’s counsel can introduce and examine witnesses, present arguments to the court concerning the child’s welfare, and participate further in the proceeding to the degree necessary to adequately represent the child

Rights of Minor’s Counsel:

  • Reasonable access to the child.
  • To seek benefits on behalf of the child.
  • Notice of any proceeding, and all phases of that proceeding, including a request for examination affecting the child.
  • The right to take any action that is available to a party to the proceeding.
  • Access to the child’s medical, dental, and other health care records, school records, and psychologist/psychiatrists records. He/she also has the right to interview school personnel, caretakers, health care providers, mental health professionals, and others who have been associated with the child or provided care to the child.
  • The right to advanced notice of, and the right to refuse any examination or evaluation, for purposes of the proceeding, which has not been ordered by the court.
  • The right to assert or waive any privilege on behalf of the child.
  • The right to seek independent psychological or physical examination or evaluation of the child for purposes of the court proceedings, upon approval by the court.

Minor’s Counsel’s Access to Child Abuse Reports
Minor’s counsel can also request from the court a release of relevant local child protective services (CPS) reports. If granted, the court will review the reports to determine whether they are relevant to custody or visitation, and whether and to what extent they should be released to minor’s counsel.

Child Abuse: Is Anyone Listening to Our Children?

Tina Swithin, author of “One Mom’s Battle” has written a great article on Child Abuse:  http://stopabusecampaign.com/feature/listening?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=listening  What are we teaching our children?

Child Abuse
Child Abuse

It infuriates me that we must send children to live with abusive parents, when WE know that they are being abused. Still, if we don’t comply, we are said to be alienating our children from the abusers. How can we be expected to send our beloved children, those who trust us to care for them and keep them safe, to live with an abusive parent? Our judicial system is SO misinformed! Please help us make changes and educate the court system about living with a sociopath/psychopath!

Child Abuse: Is Anyone Listening to our Children

So, where is a parent to turn? It can oftentimes feel hopeless to deal with a narcissist or psychopath in a custody situation. My ex won’t acknowledge any accomplishments that she has while in my care. He won’t attend her functions (but is now trying to use the fact that I had her in activities such as mini league, pre-school, dance and gymnastics as “proof” that I allienated him from her.) It is difficult to see your child go through this and try to make sense of their father (or mother) who is doing these things. I also had our daughter in therapy, which he has put a stop to. He never gave his permission. In fact, the therapy started long before the divorce process and I never considered that he would need to give his permission for something that couldn’t harm her. It’s not like it was “medical”. Nothing was given to her or taken out of her. Can he “get” me on that? Who knows. I guess time will tell. Until then, I’ll keep on doing what I think is right for her.

Recently, our daughter said Daddy had been wiping her with his hand. While I don’t think he would do anything intentionally sexually abusive, it is definitely strange behavior that shows that he gives no respect for her boundaries. child services was involved and of course, it came out “inconclusive”. In cases of KNOWN abuse, such as the emotional abuse of our daughter, it is very frustrating, as it seems nothing can/will be done. Please leave your comments below if you have any ideas on solutions to this problem.

 

Milking Dingdong

I thought this was funny. Gotta laugh when you can, right?

Our daughter was talking to me on the phone one evening (he’s been letting her talk for a few minutes lately. (It’s usually “Love you. Bye, bye.) I think because he needed me to get my taxes done to get his filed, maybe??). My N-ex lives near a dairy farm and he likes to take her over to see the cows being milked, which she enjoys. I asked her what she was doing. They were home. Daddy was pretending to be the cow and she was milking him. “I’m milking Dingdong!” she said. It was hard for me to stifle my giggle. Good thing it was over the phone. 🙂

Life Springs Eternal

I asked our daughter the other day if she remembered our dog “Teddy”. He’s been gone for over 2 years now. (I accidentally hit him with our car and he had to be put down. I was heartbroken, as it was one of our family pets.)

She said “No. I don’t remember him. Why did you run him over with your car?”

I said, “How’d you know about that?”

She said, “Daddy reminds me.”