Co-parenting with a narcissist or psychopath is never easy! The challenges of dealing with a sociopathic narcissist are never-ending. I often wonder how a father (or mother) cannot see that he is harming his child by his comments. Yesterday, in front of a friend, my daughter (4 years old) said “Mommy, Daddy says he took you and Grandma somewhere? Did he?”
“What do you mean? Where?”
“Like, to the cops? He said he took you and Grandma to the cops. Did he?”
“No, he didn’t.”
“Well, he SAID he did.”
“He’s a liar! Tell him he’s a liar! He’s lying, isn’t he?!”
“Well, he’s not telling the truth if that’s what he told you.”
I explained that it would not help to talk to him about it. What I didn’t tell her was, if I tell him, it’s most likely going to fall back on her. He’s most likely going to say something like, “Raya, why did you tell Mommy that I said ______________ ?” and then brain-wash her until she says SHE was lying about saying it. I’ve seen this happen before when I confront him about something he has said. It’s sickening. She doesn’t see that coming. It’s been a long time, over a year, since I’ve been naive enough to confront him on anything he’s said. Having known him for years, I can almost predict his reactions. I’m not going to put her through that, especially since it won’t help anything but will instead give him narcissistic supply. He uses our daughter for narcissistic supply regularly.
Her father will not communicate about what happens at his house. If she’s sick, he doesn’t tell me. He took her to the doctor before and didn’t tell me. I caught wind by accident and had to go in and fill out paperwork so that her records could be released to me so that I would know what he had taken her in for and what was wrong with her. This was of course, before the final divorce order so there was nothing stating that he had to inform me of trips to the doctor, etc. If he does it now, he’ll be in contempt of court, not that that means much, at least in this state.
Co-parenting with a Narcissist or Psychopath
Last week, my daughter told me that she had been vomiting at her Daddy’s house. I asked him about it by text. He did verify that she was sick. He said she said her belly hurt when he picked her up and vomited that night and two nights later. “That’s why I sent the juice and applesauce with her.” I wondered why he handed me juice and applesauce when I picked her up, but he said nothing about her being sick. I am so frustrated!! How can we co-parent if I have no idea that she has even been sick on the 5 days that he has her!? The court system fails people in my situation and it is so frustrating! (Please visit One Mom’s Battle for a letter that you can send to your representative! Every letter helps!) If Raya has ever been sick, according to Phil, she always has it when he picks her up. Apparently she can’t get sick at his house. He has a germ-free environment there. You can’t get sick if you isolate yourself and your family from society forever, and there are no germs at his church or library. I’m being sarcastic of course. And, yes, in my opinion, he uses church as a mask and a source of narcissistic supply. Anyone have a solution?