It is quite common for those who are married to narcissists to feel trapped. They often identify with the narcissist in their life and
may even feel that they have it “good”, and may buy into what the narcissist has told them: that they have a great lifestyle and have an easy life (of course) because of the narcissist. On the other hand, you may be wondering just how to get divorced.
Children of narcissistic parents are even more trapped, especially when they are young. Often the mother or father married to this person will not emotionally support the child due to intimidation of the narcissist. The non-narcissistic parent caves in and “abandons” the child out of fear and denial. I thank God that I got out before I
let this happen. Our daughter was only 2 at the time. Others aren’t so fortunate. I hate that she has to grow up with a narcissistic father part of the time and has no protection from me while she’s there. The narcissist mother or father will do whatever it takes to maintain control. He/she will lie, threaten, verbally, and emotional abuse whoever is standing in his way. If you think independently, you will pay. N’s remove any comfort in the home by bringing negative “energy” into every situation. There is no true relaxation. Even if the narcissist is happy, one is never sure how long it will last or when something will “happen” to set them off. It is living in a war zone with no one coming to save you. My narcissist actually told me that he had military psychological training (he did)
and he could outlast me (implying in the silent treatment/mind control realm). Narcissists are greedy and demanding. During the divorce they are most often uncooperative. They love to rattle your nerves and scare the hell out of you. They threaten to ruin you financially. They will fight you to the end in court and expect as much as they can get. When the divorce is on, the narcissist goes into full battle mode. You are bombarded by his attorney’s countless questions and insinuations, designed to wear you down to nothing so you will give up. Narcissists love to see others suffer. It makes them feel powerful, knowing that they are controlling your emotions and exposing what they perceive as your weaknesses. Combat this with good documentation and PROOF. Bank records, joint credit reports on your spouse before the divorce is final, anything you can get your hands on. For child custody, document everything that happens, what you children say that pertains to your ex, how he treats them, and witnesses to the children saying this. Document late exchanges, keep all text messages, emails, etc. in a safe place where they won’t be deleted. Print them out. Keep a file. I was diligent and it paid off. In my state, I couldn’t get FULL custody of our daughter but I got the majority. Wish I could get more. But it’s not over yet. I’m still documenting. If he ever abuses her, I’ll be on it. The court system is slow to act but remember: child welfare services can often help in abuse cases.
Prepare yourself for battle by knowing as much as you can about the narcissistic personality, narcissistic personality disorder symptoms, and narcissistic personality disorder relationships. Then, you will have an edge at predicting their moves and developing excellent strategies against their moves. I know my N-ex so well that I can almost predict his moves and can stop him before he starts. He still manages to surprise me though. A narcissism test can help you determine whether or not your spouse or ex is truly narcissistic, but doing your own research on the subject along with you own intuition will help you make this determination. You can’t use your suspicions in court anyway unless your spouse has been diagnosed. It is just for your own sanity and help in coping. The narcissistic personality disorder test may be found on: psychcentral.com/quizzes/narcissistic.htm Don’t ever give in to the “I have changed. I want to get along and get out of this devorce” routine. This ploy is used to throw you off balance and re-consider. Don’t fall for it! Ever!
Make sure that you learn to take good care of yourself during the divorce and for the rest of your life. You are the first priority. You need to give back to yourself so you can continue to give to your children. Get massages, buy yourself something that makes you feel beautiful, etc. Exercise, eat healthy, and start to feel better about yourself. Get plenty of rest, B-vitamins if your energy is low, and take good care of yourself. You will come out the other side better off and stronger. You will take care of yourself and you WILL heal! God bless!