Comments on: Red Flags in my Marriage https://torn-whybatteredwomenstay.com/red-flags-in-my-marriage/ My secret story of abuse and survival, and the challenges to come. Fri, 11 Mar 2016 13:59:36 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.0.3 By: dgale https://torn-whybatteredwomenstay.com/red-flags-in-my-marriage/#comment-988 Wed, 01 Apr 2015 20:29:56 +0000 http://torn-whybatteredwomenstay.com/?p=393#comment-988 In reply to Natalia Tessa.

I was just reading over old comments and realized, where you said that your ex had accused YOU of hitting him. Well, recently, my ex has tried to start a fight with my fiance, and when that didn’t go anywhere, he said he was going to call 911. Well, long story short, a week or so later, my fiance received a call that he had a restraining order filed against him. He hasn’t yet been served because I don’t think my ex has figured out where he lives. I’d LOVE to see it and see what my ex accused him of. I SOOOOOO wish I would’ve recorded it that day. I’m recording them all from now on! He has also told our 5 year old daughter that someone tried to kill him. I’m wondering if he’s saying that in his restraining order. ?? Now our daughter is afraid her daddy is going to try to kill HER 🙁 It never ends!! I need to get my latest battle on here. I’ve been slacking. It’s pretty ridiculous! Hope things are going well for you!!

]]> By: dgale https://torn-whybatteredwomenstay.com/red-flags-in-my-marriage/#comment-984 Tue, 16 Sep 2014 14:43:38 +0000 http://torn-whybatteredwomenstay.com/?p=393#comment-984 OMG! (and Thank you!) Your story is SO much like mine I thought I’d gone back to what I’d written! However, I haven’t written our my whole story yet of the abuse the day he tried to kidnap our daughter, but it is SO eerily similar to yours, right down to the recording! I’m going to write that out today if I get a chance, just so you can see how similar it is! Scary! On a good note, maybe we can make a “Narcissistic scenarios” book to show how N’s are going to react in certain situations. Lol. They are all so similar! The stories I’ve read are all so similar maybe we can help others by working together so we can stop some of these problems before they start. Obviously the court system isn’t going to help us any time soon!

]]> By: Natalia Tessa https://torn-whybatteredwomenstay.com/red-flags-in-my-marriage/#comment-962 Mon, 15 Sep 2014 20:10:56 +0000 http://torn-whybatteredwomenstay.com/?p=393#comment-962 Hey there – great job!
I think what I find both most fascinating and most scary is how the characteristics of a narcissitic abuser are so common from one to the next. There are a couple things in your post that I noticed. One is the ossicalating temperments, even switching from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde and back again in the same converstion multiple times. My ex did that, and I remember the therapist we had noticing it in a session and stating, “wow he rotates quickly” (he used another more therapy-type word for “rotate”). I think that the actually cause of that is because the person wants to gain control so badly that they will try anything, any approach.. and they aren’t considering how ridiculous it makes them look. It’s just a desparate attempt to try to find anything ANYTHING that will keep them connected, negative or positive. It may even be a component of borderline disorder – where there is strong, uncontrollable anxiety about abandonment.
The other aspect that you mentioned is “using the kids”. It troubles me that the courts and officials do not notice this (I’m so glad a CPS person was called – I hope they helped). My ex tried to walk out the door with our little one. He did not have a car seat for her, and I tried to stop him. I came up behind him and he preemptively shouted “don’t touch me”. I froze because I didn’t have any intention to touch him. In fact, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do besides plead and perhaps try to block the door as he held our baby (I was so scared). He actually shoved his forearm arm up under my neck and pushed me against the wall while holding our baby. I shouted “Don’t hurt me in front of our child!!”. He froze, let go and handed her back to me. Thank God. I was actually smart enough back then to always run a recorder. Unfortunately, and surprisingly, the two male police officers that responded questioned the recording where my ex said “don’t touch me”. Why? Because my ex had also called the police department and reported that I was hitting him. Seriously? There’s a HUGE size differential.
Anyway – the narcissitic abusers go after the children because it is what will get a reaction. We love the children (not them)and they intensely want that attention. If we could act like we didn’t care, they would be likely to leave the children alone.

Last… It is just like a narcissist to tell your 4 year old how you should be able to purchase a house! It’s such inappropriate information 🙁

Think positive 🙂 You CAN create the life you want, I believe in you….

]]>