February 26th, 2014: The Definition of Insanity
I could use this headline for ALL my posts. Lol. As we all know, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Who’s been there?! I’m writing from the child psychologist’s office today. My 4-year-old daughter is currently in with the therapist. I wonder if this is doing ANY good at all. I HOPE talking to the counselor helps, but I know there’s no way I can stop my narcissistic ex from saying the things he says to her. It’s seems ridiculous to me to keep having to TRY to clean up all of is insanity toward a young innocent child when the problem is HIM. And I have no hope that it’ll stop! Lately some of the comments are: “Daddy said to tell Grandma she’s fat because she eats cheese”, “Daddy says we’re going to move to the beach, just me and him and I won’t get to see you.”, “Daddy says Mommies leave. They’re just there for a little while.” “Daddy said that you left me
(when I left him). I reassured her that I’d never leave without her and that she was in fact with me when I left. How could she know about these things if he hadn’t told her? She’s 4. She was 2 at the time. I’m SO frustrated! There’s more too, but I could write a book on what she’s come back saying. My boyfriend has offered to go kick his ass. He hates him and has never even met him. He hates him from his texts and from overhearing his conversation with my daughter over the phone. Every day, I’m closer and closer to agreeing with him about the ass-kicking. Lol. Seriously, I know it won’t help, and that’s still my daughter’s Dad. I wouldn’t want her to be upset because I’m SURE he’d tell her and he’d try even harder to turn her against me and my side of the family, including my boyfriend. I’m sure he’d use it as a pity party and she’d buy right into it, being the sensitive, wonderful girl that she is. She’d feel bad for Daddy and his stock would go way up, my boyfriend’s would go way down, score one for Daddy. Outcome: backfired! Still, it’s fun to think about sometimes. 😉
But seriously, does anyone have any suggestions for dealing with this? I’m going to post on some other blogs for some feedback as I’ve just started this one and don’t have many readers yet. I’d be thrilled to know what you’ve tried that work or didn’t work. Is ignoring the issue all that can be done when they walk the line of the law? What gets them to step over that line without causing our daughter more stress? How can I get him to direct his anger at me, NOT through her? I don’t think there IS a way, but there are some smart women out there. Maybe someone’s come up with something. Courts at least in our state won’t use child alienation or parental ability to reduce parenting time (unless deemed “unfit”, which is hard to do). I don’t see why not because the less time spent with someone like that the better! I know. I lived with him. It is very confusing and mind-numbing. I can’t imagine dealing with that as a child. I’m not saying that I want her to not know her daddy. That would be sad, for her daddy to be taken away from her, but if he can’t refrain from putting poison into her mind toward me and my family, it’s my opinion that he should have to have supervised visitation. If someone else is there, like our daughter’s old babysitter, whom he may or may not have been having an affair with, he won’t say anything in front of her so he won’t look bad. It is important that he appear to be “THE best father” at all times… well, when someone is watching. Isn’t that the definition of insanity?